Black spot

It's been awhile since i checked my letter box. went there today. opened it and found a letter that was posted a week ago. looked pretty normal. opened it up and my heart skipped a beat. now i'm sweating. my heart is pumping wildly. and i was in a middle of a break between classes. suddenly i just lost all my courage to go back to class. the contents wasn't something that i didn't expect, but the reality hits you hard in the face.

i always tell my students, that if you were going to make any mistakes in your life, you have to admit to doing them, correct them, apologize and live with it. after all what's done is done, whatever the decision was is already in the pass. accepting the consequences we must. be firm. steadfast. when we feel and decide on changing our bad habits, we have to make amendments and come face to face with the damage that we had commited. i believe it is my time. there are no easy way out to any problem, whether the problem manifested on its own or is a result of our own doing. but there is a way out. and its my chance to prove it to myself and everyone else that i haven't lost my credibility and ability that a lot of other people see in me.

called my wife. listening to her speak just soothes the mind about to go wild. my paranoia slowly subsided. i needed her consoling and caring voice to help me muster my courage to go back into class and then face my demons after that. no matter how adult we try to be, sometimes we become children wanting some love to be showered on us in trying times. felt like a child for awhile. but just for awhile. when the call was over, reality sinks in. i know what i have to do. be myself.